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If we must
              collide
                      let me first say
Oh how I have loved your Elysium eyes
Your blue-shift
Your crescent hips
The joules you wear with (solar) flare
               They say we are made of hydrogen
               Made beautiful with dust
               The both of us
And especially the touch of you
The solar wind, hot and heavy against sore skin
The strange light-year love
Sleeping long and light against the length of me
               Listen: All that lies between us is gas and dust

And
       If
                           We          Must
                Depart
Please fool me slow
               You, my nebula, all tangled up in mythology
               I could only ever be Perseus
Shed all your layers
Show me the pillars of you in a false dawn,
Slipping through chromatics
Weeping beneath your eroded ribs.
In zodiac light remind me
That this spectrum is only a fraction of you
               You, corona, too noble to be seen
               Except by those with ruined eyes
Just
Remember if you leave me
I’ll be sorry to see you fading red
I'd love some feedback!
Does any of the diction jar you? Can you relate? Does it seem like it's been worked too much? Let me know what you think, please :)

Hope you enjoy <3
Add a Comment:
 
:icona-la-douce-memoire:
a-la-douce-memoire Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2015  Professional Writer
I loved it! normally I am not a fan of formatting like this. in this case I think it's perfect, I especially loved the slow step down into 'and if we must depart please fool me slow" you guided my reading experience in a way that made sense, and it was a pleasurable read!
Reply
:icondoublethefun:
doublethefun Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2015
Thank you <3 formatting can be hard to play with so it's nice to hear it made the poem more enjoyable for you
Reply
:icona-la-douce-memoire:
a-la-douce-memoire Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2015  Professional Writer
It can be very hard. I have enough trouble with choosing how to punctuate my work. skillfully done!
Reply
:iconsourair:
SourAir Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Absolutely beautiful work, and the format adds to it even more. Great work!
Reply
:icondoublethefun:
doublethefun Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013
Thanks so much! And thanks for the feedback on the format. I don't usually try it.
Reply
:iconsourair:
SourAir Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No problem! :D
Reply
:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013
Your fantastic work has been featured in Friday Night Features.
Reply
:icondoublethefun:
doublethefun Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013
I'm honored! Thank you for the feature. It means a lot to me :))
Reply
:iconpoeknowsprose:
poeknowsprose Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2013
I really loved the creative imagery and the interesting format. Well done
Reply
:icondoublethefun:
doublethefun Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2013
Thanks! I don't usually mess with formatting but I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm glad you liked it :)
Reply
:iconpoeknowsprose:
poeknowsprose Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2013
You're welcome!
Reply
:iconkarynrh:
KarynRH Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Captivating imagery - I've truly enjoyed this. Unfortunately, I can't give any constructive criticism as I don't have the knowledge.
Reply
:icondoublethefun:
doublethefun Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013
Thanks for reading :) I'm glad you liked it!
Reply
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